2020 Summer Issue

by jennifer schofield

5 Min read

Three great ideas to anchor yourself in changing times

This pandemic year continues to bring us many dramatic changes and losses on a scale hard to imagine and harder to describe. These sudden winds of change have blown through virtually every person’s life and we are left now with the challenge to both accept the often confusing realities and move forward in life somehow.

After seven months since the first shut down we continue to live with the accumulating stress of prolonged uncertainty. With our human need for security, we like a predictable world. And now we cannot take for granted the future will play out as planned. My clients (and others) are reporting the insomnia, restlessness, irritability that are not strangers to anxiety. Relationships of all kinds are impacted. And most concerning there is the loneliness and isolation that cannot be ignored for those who live alone during shut downs.

The sense financial insecurity, is also a huge stressor right now reported by my clients. Our relationship to money is often emotionally driven and connected to a feeling of safety. Staying grounded through this rollercoaster is a challenge.

There is an ambiguous loss – It’s a vague feeling, that nameless hole that is left by the loss of parts of your daily life. The many, many small things that no longer are. It’s all of it. This will take some time to process and how you deal with it will impact your mental health.

We are living through a transformative time collectively and each of us is also going through our own personal transformation.

More than ever we need practices that ground us, help us live with uncertainty and cope in tough times.

In my psychotherapy practice many clients come to sessions during or after a crisis. I’ve witnessed, (as is my role) the common but sometimes unexpected calamities of life. – Fired, spouse cheated, terrible medical diagnosis, car accident, etc. As these cases move through time, I see the crisis part settle into loss and grief, then eventually acceptance. At a certain moment there is a void left by the broken system and in that void emerges something else – the opportunity to do things differently, the new system. My work is to help clients find hope and meaning in their losses and to be transformed by them.

After nearly 20 years, studying mental health theories and using them in practice, certain ideas stand out as being helpful, even life-changing for clients. I’ve chosen three of these guideposts to share with you now to help you build your person resiliency, and to cope with everything without losing your mind.

– And to take advantage of what’s happening to transform your life.

Three Great Ideas for not losing your mind this winter:

1.Emotional Intelligence through Self Discovery

Many individuals are not in touch with what they are feeling, how to name it, and what to do about it. These things can be learned.

More importantly in the rush to do and be what the world wants of you, it is easy to disconnect from what you want and from the sense of living as your true self. Many times I have asked this question (what do you want?) in sessions and the client has no answer. Often because we don’t give ourselves permission.

Look within, investigate, and reconnect with your self, your values, and your purpose.

2.Radical Acceptance

Another way to state it is “Acknowledging reality”. This does not mean agreeing or condoning it. Radical Acceptance is not judging the moment as if we expect the world to always act as we want it to.

We can waste energy in the futile exercise of denial when things are not playing out as we think they should. Phrases like “this is unbelievable!”, “outrageous!” “wtf”, “I can’t believe that guy!”, or “this shouldn’t be happening” are non-acceptance. We also at times deny our own feelings and internal realities.

Radical acceptance is not always easy but life changing as a habit. Acceptance of the present moment as it is can help alleviate stress and suffering. Acceptance is letting go of the negativity of the wish for the moment to be something it isn’t. It also means accepting your own feelings and experience without judgement and not stuffing them down into the basement of denial to fester.

3.Strength through Compassion – First for yourself, then for others

Compassion is a powerful idea that keeps giving. The more I learn about it the more I see how it can heal and lead the way to connection and relationship.

Compassion for your self builds confidence and self esteem. It helps you to process and learn from the past without shame and blame.
Compassion for the self gives a kind of security in knowing you will always have your own back. Assertiveness gives you the tools to stand up for yourself wisely.
Compassion for others is a way out of social anxiety.
Having self compassion in place lets you open to love others and be loved by them.

Stay strong, stay connected and be well.

Take care,

Jennifer

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